Cute Gals Talk Ball
By Andrew Denny
The holidays are often a slow time for baseball operations as players and front office staff choose to spend the time with their families and friends, relishing in the spirit of the season.
As a writer, it kind of pisses me off as there is a whole lot of nothing concrete to really report on.
In lieu of this vacuum of news, I figured I’d try something new with the site that I like to call “Cute Gals Talk Ball.” When you reach the bottom of the barrel for ideas, you often have to scrape up what you can. This is about all I could come up with…
Meet Audrey. Audrey is a lovely gal who takes a moderate interest in baseball purely because of the people who surround her. She also happens to be a cute girl. These things tend to go hand in hand…
I wanted to see what she has to say about the game, the players, and any other items that may pique any sort of interest and you’re all about to come along for the ride. Let’s do this.
Cubbies Crib: Hi Audrey
Audrey: Hey there!
CC: So to start out, how many baseball games have you seen in total?
Audrey: On tv?
CC: Just in general…
Audrey: In real life? Just two.
CC: And which ones were they?
Audrey: I went to one when I was a kid, I don’t know what it was. Maybe in Toronto. I also saw a San Fransico Giants game when I was in California. I don’t remember who they played, but I saw a home run! And the seventh inning stretch was odd – I thought you had to stay standing for the rest of the game. I even asked the guy next to me what was going on. He just laughed at me,
CC: Well not bad for a rookie I guess.
Audrey: I knew the words to the song though! That’s something. I guess everyone else knows them too eh?
CC: Most ball fans do. Especially in Chicago.
CC: Carrying on. What were the best parts of the games?
Audrey: I don’t think this is for all games, but when each player comes up, they get to pick the song that’s played! Is that for all games?
CC: Yes it is.
Audrey: Oh god…. I still thought it was cool.
CC: Moving on, I’m going to ring a few words off and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. Ok?
Audrey: Can I have a hint? A bat? I don’t know. When they call people slugger.
CC: Ok next: Pine Tar
Audrey: The sticky stuff on the shaft. Too easy. Next.
CC: Racy. How about sabermetrics?
Audrey: No. Sounds like a starwars thing.
CC: Ok lets move on this… this is clearly failing. I’m going to show you a couple of pictures of baseball players. You tell me which ones are most attractive.
Audrey: (enthusiastically) OK!
I show her a picture of Albert Pujols
Audrey: I like his beard…. Why is he bald?
CC: He’s a pretty good player
Audrey: What team does he play for?
CC: The Angels. He used to play for the Cubs’ biggest rival.
Audrey: Oh ya.
CC: Moving on.
I show her Andrew McCutchen
Audrey: I don’t like his hair. Not very attractive. I’m sure he’s a cool guy, but not my type.
CC: Ok one more: I show her Anthony Rizzo
Audrey: He’s cute! He looks like a nice person. What team does he play for?
CC: The Cubs!
Audrey: OH! I’d go to that game and bring a sign. Do they bring signs to baseball games? Like at hockey games?
CC: Of course. What would be on the sign?
Audrey: My number and “Rizzo, Call For A Good Time” Hahahaha – I’m just kidding. Probably just “I heart Rizzo.” Nice and generic. Maybe I’d get on TV too.
CC: He’s only 23 as well.
Audrey: Oh… so I have a shot then?
CC: Absolutely. If you get his number, let us know.
Audrey: Hell if you see him, give him MY number. You have a better chance of it anyway.
CC: Fair enough. Who’s your favorite baseball team?
Audrey: The one with the tightest pants. Just kidding…. ummm…. I would probably say Toronto.
CC: And why’s that?
Audrey: Cause they’re close to my home city – I can go see them. My family are all Blue Jays fans. Second overall is the Cubs though, obviously because of that Rizzo guy.
CC: Glad to hear it. As a Jays fan, do you know who Jack Morris is?
Audrey: Rings a bell, but no.
CC: Alright. When was the last time the Blue Jays won the World Series?
Audrey: …. ummm…. 19… I dont know. 20 years ago?
CC: But which year?
Audrey: 1982. Is that wrong?
Audrey: Oh…. well then. 2001?
CC: Not quite. 1992 and 1993.
Audrey: Oh well I was close! That’s what I meant when I said 82 – I meant 92.
CC: Sure you did. Any closing remarks?
Audrey: I don’t know much about the game, but it’s fun to learn. This interview would have gone better if you would have taken me to see a game and then interviewed me.
CC: We’d both just end up drunk. Hard to conduct and interview at that point.
Audrey: Yeah… that sounds about right. Isn’t that the point of going to the games?
CC: Somewhat. Thanks for you time Audrey.
Audrey: You’re most welcome!