Beer-Chuckers, Foul-Fumblers and (Yes) That Damn Goat Again: 10 Most Infamous Cub Fans

This is how blogging works:  Something funny or shocking or disgusting happens, and that reminds us of something else funny or shocking or disgusting that happened, and before you know it…top 10 list!

10.  Guy Who Threw His Beer on Shane Victorino

Today’s list of the 10 Most Infamous Cub Fans was conceived because some dude threw a beer at Shane Victorino at Wrigley Field Wednesday night.  Not the first time something like that has happened, by the way – just ask Lenny Dykstra.

Okay, I confess – beer-chucker dude is not actually the 10th most infamous Cub fan of all-time.  But he’s got the buzz around him, so he receives the slot.  And if you have a problem with me validating this hooligan?  Tough.

9.  Rod Blagojevich

Disgraced former Illnois governor Rod Blagojevich is such a big Cubs fan, he even once wrote a handwritten note to Lou Piniella suggesting line-up changes.  He wanted Alfonso Soriano to bat third.  Lou should’ve written him back with his own friendly suggestion, to go screw himself.

8.  Guy Who Took Chad Kreuter’s Cap, Starting a Giant Fight

One of the crazier fan v. player confrontations of recent years took place in 2000 at Wrigley, after a fan snatched the hat off the head of Dodgers catcher Chad Kreuter, who was sitting in the bullpen minding his own business.  Instead of calling security, Kreuter did the dumbest thing he could’ve elected to do – he climbed into the stands and tried to get the guy.  Next thing you knew, fans and Dodger players were rumbling.  Beer was being tossed (seems to be a running theme).  Security was hauling people out.  Somehow, only three people ended up being arrested, none of them members of the Dodgers (even though Jim Leyritz was on that team).

7.  Jim Belushi

He sang “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” at Wrigley while higher than Harry Caray after three nights in Tijuana.  But that’s not why he’s infamous.  One drunken 7th inning stretch appearance isn’t enough to earn a badge of eternal scorn.  So why exactly does Jim Belushi’s name live in infamy forever?  Because of this:

6.  Ronnie Woo Woo

Mental illness is not amusing – unless you’re a member of the media and you’re covering Ronnie Woo Woo.  Then, evidently, schizophrenia leading to disorderly and vastly annoying conduct is the most adorable thing since pug noses.

Want to know how much the Wrigley faithful hate Ronnie Woo Woo?  Let’s put it this way:  A couple years ago he got run over by a car.  You didn’t see a ton of people in Cubs gear crying.

5.  John Murray

Fans will remember Murray as the bond trader who, in 1995, ran onto the field and attacked reliever Randy Myers after Myers gave up a home run in a pivotal late-season contest.  The fun part of that story was that Murray’s wife was watching the game on TV but didn’t realize it was her idiot husband until after.  And you think it’s embarrassing when your man gets a little liquored up and starts doing his bad Sopranos impressions at cook-outs.

Instead of going to hell, like most decent Cub fans wished he would, Murray simply disappeared for about a decade before resurfacing at Wrigley to hawk cheesy t-shirts.  Guess that whole bond trading thing didn’t work out.  Wonder if he’s still married.

4.  Billy Sianis

Mr. Sianis was the tavern owner who infamously cursed the Cubs after they refused to let him into Wrigley Field with his dirty, piss-smelling goat.  Of course this is the single dumbest hex in the history of the world.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the Cubs’ futility since then.  Losing is caused by bad playing, bad managing and bad front-officing, not crazy goat-voodoo.

But try telling that to the nitwits who keep attempting to dispel the curse by hanging goat carcasses off the Harry Caray statue.  Morons!  Everyone knows, if you want to cancel a goat-hex, you have to sacrifice a virgin.

Speaking of virgins…

3.  Steve Bartman

Steve Bartman is the man who needs no introduction – because no one can find him.  He’s hidden better than Jimmy Hoffa‘s body.  One day, I suspect, Bartman will emerge, and tell his side of the story.  And someone will throw beer at him and call him a bad name that starts with a “c” and ends with “sucker.”  Possibly the person doing the interview.

Possibly Ron Santo.

I personally don’t blame Steve Bartman for any of the bad stuff that happened in the 2003 post-season.  I blame Dusty Baker.  And Jesus.

2.  John Dillinger

John Dillinger is cool again, thanks to Johnny Depp‘s portrayal of him in Public Enemies, a movie that argues passionately for Socialism via bank robbery.  But did you know that Dillinger, besides having the biggest pair of stones in the history of the world, was also a huge Cubs fan?  It’s true.  According to legend, Dillinger loved the Cubs so much that he risked capture by attending a game at Wrigley just a month before his famous demise outside the Biograph Theater.  And Dillinger was a real Cub fan, not a phony like Al Capone (who loved the White Sox but showed up for photo-ops at Wrigley anyway, sorta like John Cusack).

1.  Dick Cheney

Yes I realize I’m treading on delicate political ground.  Some of you will cheer me for this pick, others will deride me.  Some will say, “Dick Cheney?  More infamous than John Dillinger, a man who was wanted by the FBI?”

You’re right, Dick Cheney isn’t wanted by the FBI.

Yet.

And no, this post is not endorsed by the Democratic party, nor was it sponsored by MoveOn.org.  I’m perfectly capable of being a complete jerk without the backing of any political party or non-profit entity, thanks very much.

By the way, if someone happens to be reading this who is in a position to hack my computer and/or tap my phone…the aliens made me do it.