Chicago Cubs News

Wanna Spend Eternity Inside Wrigley’s Outfield Wall? Now You Can. Sorta.

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Today’s enlightened modern world offers many different ways for people to dispose of their mortal remains after they are gone.  Some have their ashes shot into space.  Some choose to be buried in a coffin decorated with the logo of their favorite cheesy ’70s arena rock band.  Some have their heads lopped off and frozen in hopes that they may one day return as a Futurama character.  And now, lucky Cubs fans may elect to have their cremated remains interred in a crypt that replicates the famed red brick outfield wall of Wrigley FieldVia SI.com:

"Dedicated a few days ago, the wall with its stained-glass scoreboard has what Fans Forever president Dennis Mascari likes to call “skyboxes” to accommodate 288 “season-ticket holders.”There are four seats from Wrigley where loved ones can sit and recall shared afternoons at the ballpark or relive yet again those conversations about how the Cubs let Lou Brock go to the hated Cardinals and didn’t resign Greg Maddux.There’s even a small patch of lawn that Mascari said he snagged outside Wrigley when the team dumped it there after tearing it out to replace it.“You can bring your family out here, you can have a game of catch,” said Mascari, who envisions the 32-foot-long wall at Bohemian National Cemetery as a sort of eternal field of dreams. “You can sit here and feel like you’re at the ballpark.”"

Well, let’s hope the experience isn’t too much like the ballpark.  If I’m out paying my respects to my dear departed friend, the last thing I want to have to deal with is some drunk yelling profanities at me or dropping his pants and taking a leak on my shoe.  Nor would I like to think that, should my ghost be forced to linger for an eternity in my place of burial, I would have to listen to Ronnie Woo Woo every day of my afterlife.  Death sucks bad enough as it is.

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