I think I’ve said this many times before: Sometimes at Cubbies Crib, we like to cut loose.
There may be a correlation between sitting down with a deliciously cold, citrus-bitter India Pale Ale from my favorite brewery and writing what are considered “useless” columns, but there’s some value in having some fun in my job.
Today’s Sunday sampler is the top ten ways Alfonso Soriano can merit his outrageous $18 million dollar a year salary for the Cubs. Hope you enjoy.
10. Have his WAR match his SLG%.
9. Donate blood while running down a deep fly ball and signing autographs for orphans – every single game.
8. Travel back in time to 2003 and convince Steve Bartman that the game is just as good at home on the TV.
7. Learn to pitch more effectively than Carlos Marmol.
5. Have a K% in the negatives.
4. Commit only 1 error a season… wait a minute….
3. Lay off the low and away sliders. Seriously.
2. Create an anti-aging serum that keeps Anthony Rizzo 23 for the remainder of time.
1. Not become a Scott Boras client.
Hope all the readers out there had a great weekend!